Looking Back on What I've learned and What I've Become

Feminism is one of those words that often sits with a bad taste in most people's mouths. It is actually referred to as the F-bomb as though it is some sort of obscenity that should be avoided being used in public.  Coming from a small, conservative rural town, feminism was one of those hush-hush subjects that nobody wanted you to talk about or learn about. It was considered a old-fashioned place (a.k.a. patriarchal). Needless to say, I didn't know much about feminism and didn't even know where to look. That is until I came to Ithaca and signed up for Intro to Women's Studies.

I have really learned a lot from women's studies and not just facts about women's rights and history. I feel that the most valuable thing that I learned from this class was how to look at things from a feminist's point of view and find resources to expand my knowledge and that it is OK to question. I have become braver in starting and participating in arguments on women's rights and how feminists aren't crazy; we want equality!

Before this class I would have found myself say "I'm a feminist but...". I believed many of the same principles present in feminism, but didn't have the balls to call myself a feminist. It was always portrayed as a crazy thing when it's really not. Feminism isn't about going out and doing crazy things, hating men, and trying to prove that women are better. Feminism is about trying to create equality within a society that prides itself in the separation of genders.

I now will call myself a feminist and I'm not afraid to. After learning more about it, I've found myself standing up for it and arguing for it, even against my family and friends. I've been trying to open their eyes to its ideals and encouraging them to expand their knowledge in it as well. I've had my eyes opened to gender inequalities that I never knew existed and now know where I can even change my own life to help encourage equality.

I am a feminist and I'm not afraid to show it!

"Marriage.. Marriage is what brings us together, today!" - Princess Bride (1987)

Marriage is a subject that many feminists think about because it has been such a deep rooted system in the lives of women for centuries. Across most cultures, women are shamed and sometimes forced into marriage due to beliefs that a woman's worth lies within marriage. Some feminists may believe that avoiding the institution of marriage is a better choice because they're putting themselves into a better, more equal relationship. Others do not view marriage itself as the root of sexist ideals and are able to enter into matrimony in an equal and happy relationship. In the United States, as in many other countries around the world, there are people that want to get married but are excluded from the institution: homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgendered persons. These people wish to get married but are unable to due to laws put into place by politicians. Many of the arguments for these laws lie in religious beliefs, even though there is supposed to be a separation of Church and State.  I watched a great video (http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110504/us_yblog_thelookout/minnesota-lawmakers-gay-marriage-defense-goes-viralof a Minnesota lawmaker arguing for gay marriage) of a Minnesota lawmaker arguing for gay rights that made me start to think about women and marriage. 

The thing that gets me is that laws are prohibiting gay people that are in love from getting married and sharing their life together, whereas heterosexual women are pressured by society to get married. Just look through the TV Guide: all of the women's channels have shows revolving around weddings or babies. There are tons of straight women who do not want to get married, even if they are in a happy relationship and society frowns upon them. But if that woman were gay, they consider it a sin for her to want to get married. I don't care who they are in love with, if they want to show their love through marriage, I think that they should be able to because everyone should have the opportunity for love and happiness. If their love and happiness exists within a marriage, regardless of their sexual orientation, it should be okay. And if it exits outside of it, they should be able to choose to not get married and not get judged. I recently watched the opening of a movie (I think it was Four Christmases, but don't hold me to it) where a couple were taking ballroom dance lessons for the fun of it. The couples were all talking after the class and they were asked when they're wedding was and what song they were dancing to. They told them that they were not engaged and that they actually never planned on getting married. The other couple was appalled at the idea that a happy couple would never get married and judged them. 

It seems unfair to me that there are heterosexual individuals and couples that don't want to get married and are looked down upon, but gay couples are looked down upon for wanting to get married.  I think the institution of marriage should never be thrust upon nor denied to any person, whether male, female, transgendered, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. 

What other institutions within our society do you see that discriminate against a specific gender or orientation? (There are tons you can think of I'm sure!)

A Royal Wedding

Two billion people watched as Kate Middleton stepped out of her car in front of Buckingham Palace in her  ivory satin and lace designer wedding dress and then cheered as she kissed her now husband on the balcony after the ceremony. All eyes were on her, what she was wearing, and how every girl was completely jealous of her. Everyone wants to be a princess, marry prince charming, and gain the fame and honor of being a monarch. I know that the wedding is old news at this point, but the most interesting part of the whole thing is everyone's reaction for the last week or so.  

As you watched TV, listened to the radio, opened a newspaper, or searched the internet, everything was filled with royal wedding shenanigans. It was an important day in the history of England, yes, but we don't need to have our main focus be what women looked the best and characterize their importance on it. I have seen tons of articles highlighting Kate Middleton as a style icon and how she is extraordinarily beautiful, and then comparing her to Princess Diana, her late mother-in-law! I actually read an article praising her that she can actually apply her own makeup! I'm sorry but if someone is going to possibly be running my country, I don't care if she can put on her own lipstick -- but that is she qualified to run a country! There are some articles informing the masses of her new title, Duchess of Cambridge, but nothing really tells what her title means, what political responsibilities come with it, and what value it has other than material value.  The country should be at least sort of interested in her new role as a political figure than what color lipstick she was wearing. Any political gain of hers has been ignored as we scrutinize yet another female role model. 

Throughout the publicity of the royal wedding, all that has been in the spot light is the beauty and excitement of the monarchy.  Being a royal has always been deemed as the most important and honorable position a woman can obtain or be born into in a patriarchal society. Yet, all this position highlights is the love and admiration you can get. Popularity and beauty are portrayed as the best that a woman can get in this society. And from a very young age, we have been exposed to the ideas that a princess is what every little girl wants to be. A lot of the media I was exposed to as a child was surrounded around the idea of being a princess and becoming a princess. Everyone wanted to be a princess because these were the most loved girls in the world because they were rich and beautiful. I feel like most little girls have at least once been a princess for halloween. From a young age, it has been our fantasy to be a princess. Now, we are reliving our childhood fantasies watching Kate Middleton get married. It is what a lot of young girls pictured would happen to them what they got older; I know I did. I was dressed up as a princess probably 6 out of the 7 days of the week as a child. To the little girl in all of us, she has achieved our biggest dream: becoming a real royal. 

I feel like I'm bashing the royal wedding, but I did enjoy watching. The dress was beautiful, the hats were awesome, and English patriotism was at all time high for the last couple decades. I just wish that not everything about an important moment in a countries history should be revolving solely around the beauty and fashion taste of 1 woman. 

What was your favorite part of the royal wedding shenanigans? And your least? 

Who Can Be Sexy and Who Must Be Safe?

I saw this article/video today on Jezebel. It is about a project that a photographer has taken on where she  travels around the world interviewing women and taking 2 pictures of them: one of them in a "safe" outfit and one of them in a "sexy" outfit. In some countries, there is only slight differences between the two outfits, but in others they are polar opposites. Listening to her talk about her project and the reactions she was getting from these women made me think: if the opposite of sexy is safe, should we be worried? Sexuality always seems to be a touchy subject where ever you go in the world, but it is sad to think that it could be unsafe to be in touch with your sexuality (even if it's just through clothing).

I feel as though in our society, expressed sexuality is discouraged, yet encouraged at the same time. Society wants, even needs, women to be sexy: to sell products, get ratings, get attention. You see women in magazines, on TV, and on the internet in advertisements and entertainment wearing sexy clothes and being seductive, and encouraged to do so (by clients, fans, etc). These women are idolized: she's either wanted, or people want to be like her. And people do try to be like her.

And yet, when women do try to dress and act like these celebrities, they are looked down upon. They are considered slutty and too sexual. Victoria's Secret models march up and down the run away in lingerie with wings in the VS television commercials, yet if a woman walks down the street in a short dress, she is a slut. There's a double standard; it's almost like you have to earn the right to be sexy and experience sexuality. It seems that the women who have not earned this right, are not "safe" from judgement.

Real Life Barbie

 Many young children, myself included, have played with and loved Barbie dolls for years. Barbie's been on the top selling toys list for decades and it doesn't look like she won't be popular for a very long time. She has been a friend and role model for many children. Yes, it's great that she's successful in love and her careers and she can be a great role model in that way. But in terms of body image, she's been destroying us. Her body shape is impossible to have!    

If she was life sized, which is shown to the right, she would be awkwardly tall and completely disproportionate! But in doll form, she looks like the most beautiful woman alive. If all girls see are women that portrayed as beautiftul with literally impossible looks, we are setting ourselves up for disaster. If we are told what is beautiful and then can never ever achieve it, there is going to be some sense of insufficiency.

When I saw this picture I thought to myself "But in reality, is this Barbie pictured beautiful?" I think she has a false sense of beauty. The makers have taken every positive attribute a woman can have and exaggerated them completely so that she has the smallest waist, the largest breasts, the longest legs, and so on; but it makes her unattractive ultimately! Again, it's like we're setting society up for failure by showing unattainable and untrue representations of beauty to children.

Shake It for Me Girl

Last night I was driving in the car, listening to the radio and singing along, and looking at the beautiful scenery that surrounds Ithaca, NY.  I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing, but instead just enjoying the sunset and mindlessly singing along to the country song on the radio. As I'm singing along, I finally realize the lyrics to the song that I was singing. The chorus goes:

Shake it for the young bucks sittin' in the honky-tonks

For the rednecks rockin' till the break of dawn

For the DJ spinnin' that country song

Come on, come on, come on

Shake it for the birds, shake it for the bees

Shake it for the catfish swimming down deep in the creek

For the crickets and the critters and the squirrels

Shake it to the moon, shake it for me girl, aww

Country girl, shake it for me girl, 

Shake it for me girl, shake it for me

Country girl, shake it for me girl, 

Shake it for me girl, shake it for me

I snapped into reality when I was hearing over and over "Shake it for me girl" in a man's voice and was slightly disturbed. It never dawned on me: we all know the lyrics and sing them, but don't really consciously want to know the meaning. On the surface, it's about a guy trying to get a girl to dance. Under the surface, a girl, is becoming a sexual object for a man. She doesn't have a name and it's totally for his benefit. A lot of popular songs are like this.  I think that subconsciously we know what it means and that's the way the media and art works. In class we talked about where men learn their privilege in our society. I think it lies within the small things we hear, see, and even go along with everyday, even if we don't realize that these are the culprits of assigning privilege. 

Sex Myths

There are a ton of myths about sex out there and even more people that believe them. We talked in class about some of these myths. People actually believe that you can't get pregnant if it is your first time having sex, or that you can't contract an STD from oral sex. This guy: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMvjfyw7yQQ&feature=player_embedded

is mad about these myths.  His video is entertaining to watch, but also points something out. We should be angry that there are so many people still believing these myths. They are only going to lead to unwanted pregnancy and/or STDs.  I have found that most of the people who believe these lies are teens. I believe that one way this can change is if the sex education system is revamped and started to be taught at a younger age. If kids are going to have sex, whether they are taught sex education or not, we should at least do them a service by teaching them the truth and give them options and facts so they can make better decisions. A few years ago I participated in a debate about sex education and in all of my readings, I found that countries (such as a the Netherlands) that had a more comprehensive sex education that started at a younger age, had lower levels of teen pregnancies and STDs. 

Do you think that these myths have arose from an absence of adequate sex education? 

Has anyone seen the movie Coyote Ugly?  It's about a small town girl, just graduated from high school who moves to NYC in hopes of making it big as a signer/songwriter. While trying to make her dreams come true, she needs a job and finds one at a bar called Coyote Ugly. On her first night (scene from the movie), she finds the bar is not what she was expecting. It turns out it is the most popular bar in the city because the all female bartenders (the "coyotes") wear revealing clothing, do body shots off of customers, and act as teases for all the male customers. Each of them are the epitome of the "hot, badass chick". She ends up becoming a "coyote", making her debut as a singer, and becomes a successful songwriter. The basic moral of the story is, as long as you achieve your dreams, its okay to show some skin and be a sex symbol to get to the top. This was definitely not produced by a feminist.  I feel like this is promoting the fact that girls need to "sleep their way to the top", instead of using skill and intellect to land a job or promotion.  We all know sex sells, but apparently sex or sex appeal also gets you hired.  It is a shame that this is the way it is portrayed, because it is degrading, and surprisingly in this article  it says that according to a recent study, it is actually the opposite for women!  Women who send in a photo with a resume are more often chosen if they are more plain looking than attractive. Do you think the media and society push women to be attractive and have sex appeal in order to be successful? 

    

Too Cute Not to Post!

Sorry this will be brief, but I just really wanted to share it with everybody. This little girl is so adorable. A future feminist? I think so! (Video)
She just makes it known that she is putting herself first and won't be dependent on a man. Good for her! I think it is important for all women to be able to pursue a career at some point in their lives or to set some sort of goals for themselves and try to achieve them. That's the only way that progress of any sort can be made: with an idea and an action.

Another Federal Attack

Recently, legislation wanted to redefine rape so that federal spending on abortions for victims were minimized. Now they attacking again. Very recently, the House of Representatives voted to cut federal funding for Planned Parenthood! Planned Parenthood provides many services for women, men, and teens to prevent and get help when there's a problem with STDs/AIDS and unwanted pregnancies. Most of the work done at Planned Parenthood is preventative, and gives help to those who need it with anything dealing with their sexuality. This is such a great resource for anyone that is, was, or will be sexually active, and the government wants to throw it away!

This is another attack on women and our freedom of choice. After watching this Fox News clip, I realized that this again, a war against abortion. It is not just a war against abortion, but a war against the freedom of women to choose what's right for themselves. So basically, they don't want their tax dollars to go for women's rights. They are trying to slowly and surely take this freedom of choice away from women. I'm sorry, but isn't freedom what this country was founded upon? To me, stripping women of their freedom of choice is un-American!

There is a petition that anyone can sign that will be sent to Congress. Please sign and show support!

Snooki, What Have You Done?

Today I saw an article on CNN Health from December 2010 that caught my eye, about how women's sexuality is perceived by younger men and women now, what could be causing it and what parents can do to hopefully change views on sexuality for their children.  When it comes to sexuality, some people might think that women have gained a lot of liberation due to the fact that sex is a more open topic and women are more promiscuous than in the past, thanks to the Sexual Revolution of the 60s. And it is true that women can now more easily do what they want sexually, BUT I think, and I think that Ian Kerner Ph.D. who wrote the article would agree, that young adults and children are not being brought up in a way that their sexual liberation is always healthy. Much of the sexuality of young women and even girls is brought about to satisfy a patriarchal man's gaze; that a woman is presented to be a sexual object for men. Look at our society! Girls Gone Wild, strip clubs, porn, American Pie movies, Snooki! The other day, my friend told me, "I just love Ke$ha... she's such a dirty whore!" Really? I like Ke$ha because she has catchy music.  All these things are sending out the message that it is ok for all women and girls to expose themselves physically and sexually to the world to the advantage of the male gaze. The point of the Sexual Revolution was to make it known that it is OK for a woman to be involved with anyone of her choosing and that society shouldn't look down upon her for her sexuality. Now the world is telling women that, yes her sexuality is okay, but also that she should be sexual, because it is benefitting men.

My how the tables have turned and still patriarchy has the upper hand!

Redefining Rape

In Women's Studies class today, we talked about the things that feminists have been fighting for in the past and currently. An issue that has come up in legislation that affects women all over the country is the coverage of abortion for rape victims. Anti-choice advocates want to redefine rape so that only women suffering from "forcible" rape can have their abortions covered. But isn't all rape forced? Rape, according to dictionary.com, is the "act of sexual intercourse that is FORCED upon a person." That should mean that all abortions for victims for rape should stay covered, because all rape is forcible rape.

I found this petition posted on my friend's Facebook wall, so if you would like to sign as well, click here, it only takes a few seconds.

Who are we dressing for?

Who are we dressing for? I found myself asking this question when I stepped into the local club, the Haunt, last night. I had a great time out on the town, dancing the night away with my friends, but couldn't stop thinking that when I looked to the bar and then to the dance floor, that all I saw from wall to wall were young women wearing almost nothing. Last night, it was my turn to be the designated driver, so being sober, I could understand what was happening around me. I wasn't surprised, but instead saddened by these girls wearing such revealing clothing. I felt as though with their clothing (or lack of) they were sending out bad messages about themselves and women in general.

When I saw this, what I thought of most was a section from Feminism is for Everybody by Bell Hooks, which I had just read for homework early in the day. When reading this book, the idea that stuck out in my mind the most, was the idea that feminism isn't undermined most by men, but by the women who still uphold sexist beliefs and behaviors. The way these girls were dressing is not how women want to be portrayed. We want to come across as confident and capable, not easy and degrading.

I am not against women getting dressed up in a pretty dress and heels, having a few drinks, and going out dancing with their friends. It is a lot of fun! These girls however crossed the line with the dressing, the drinks, and the dancing. I saw a girl throw up in the sink, numerous skirts that were barely covering enough, and close to fornication happening on the dance floor. And the saddest part was seeing the guys looking for these girls. I saw them scanning the dance floor waiting to see one without a partner. So are these girls dressing and acting like this for the attention of guys? Or is it because it is the social norm in college?

The saddest moment of the night though, was watching a girl stumble out the front door of the club being consoled by her friends. She was crying because she believed that she looked fat in her dress and that's why no boys danced with her.